Private Affairs
by The ShipToSink
Summary: Dean has been keeping his relationship with Cas a secret for a while now but what happens when he really stops to think about it all? Not very good at summaries. Rated M to be on the safe side.


So this is just something short and small that I came up with while at work. The pairing is Destiel so if you don't like, then why are you even bothering to click on this? It's set in Dean's point of view, first person, and it is rated M on the safe side.

I own nothing but the actual story.

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><p>He hasn't shown up yet, not that I really expected him to be here just yet; not after last time. I glance over at the clock, about ten minutes before he'll be here, always on time but never early. There was once Cas tried to be early, and things didn't go well at all. I freaked out, there were some harsh words thrown around, rough sex, and just general coldness the entire night. After then, Castiel never tried to show up early again.<p>

I try to tell myself that I hide our relationship because Sammie would never understand, but we both know that's a lie as well…Sam wants nothing more than to see me smile, but how could I really tell my little brother that my place of happiness is in the arms of a male angel? So I keep using that excuse and Cas keeps accepting it, there's nothing else he can really do about it otherwise.

With nothing else to do, I look around the motel room that I've rented with a credit card name that Sam has never seem me have. This is also a place that I normally wouldn't go to, a little pricier than normal so that it would be a little harder to track me. Its places like these that I meet him, where we have our own special time together which usually ends in sex, but not always.

Its places like these where I can be real.

There's a noise outside, so I sit up quickly in the bed and go to the door. Sure enough, there he is coming over to the door after checking for the room number. Even though it's Jimmy Novak's body that makes love to me during these visits, I know its Castiel himself that actually loves me. He's the one that holds me with such tenderness and ignores my obvious insanities when it comes to being paranoid.

After a quick but deep breath, I went ahead and opened the door just enough for him to see that it was me in there. Even though I knew Cas wasn't paranoid about any of this, I still liked to pretend that he was if only to make myself feel better about my own actions.

"Dean…"

There it was that deep voice that always got me. I would do anything if only to hear my name in that voice. "Come in Cas…" I open the door a little more to let that man through, this angel that I've claimed for my own behind closed doors. Blue eyes dart around the room. He's thinking about what lengths I went to keep our relationship a secret again, but I don't want to think about that now. All I want to do is keep my eyes on him, this being that no one else can have.

"Dean…" There it is again as Castiel turns to look back at me while I shut the door. I know where this conversation is going, so instead of just letting it happen, I shake my head. "Cas I told you…I can't let Sam know…He wouldn't understand us." It's all a lie, I can see it in Castiel's eyes that even he knows it's a lie, but he doesn't push it. Instead, he removes his trench coat, or at least starts to before I quickly put a hand on his shoulder. "Wait…" My voice barely comes out as a whisper and I feel a small shiver pass through Castiel's body as I hold onto his shoulder.

Undressing him is my favorite part, we both know this, but he always tries to take off the coat himself, knowing that I'll always stop him. Before any clothes come off though, I want to hold him, feel his body against my own. There isn't anyone else in the world that I would be this close with, and he knows that. Perhaps that's why Cas agrees to let me keep my paranoid thoughts and maybe that's why he lets me keep this all a secret. Because he knows I'm not doing it so that I can have someone else on the side.

The mere thought sickens me, to give myself to anyone other than Castiel, it wouldn't happen. I want to say something to him, tell him that I miss him, or that he looks so handsome, but I can't form any words. Not only has my throat gone completely dry from the sight of this man, but before I can even force myself to make sounds, there's another pair of lips against my own.

He's kissing me and all I can think of is there's nowhere else I would rather be.

Kissing Castiel always makes things better, we both know that

As his arms go around my waist, my hands go up to his shoulders, part gripping onto his shoulders and part pushing his coat back. The kisses start to get longer until finally I feel Cas' tongue brushing against my bottom lip. He knows that I can't resist him long, though I always tease and try to hold out as much as I can. Tonight it's different though, tonight I'm weak so I let him in right away.

I need him. I like to think that he needs me as well.

There's so much going through my head as Castiel's lips start to brush against my ear, then down my neck. There's so much that I want to say and yet I'm completely silent during this all save for a few light moans. I just have to trust that he knows how I feel about him, about what he does to me.

I love him.

The last time I told him when we weren't having sex, I can't remember. I should tell him tonight. I will tell him tonight. The feeling of lips has left my neck and when I open my eyes a little more I see oceans of blue staring back at me. "Cas…" Without even thinking, I lean forward a bit until I'm lightly kissing my lover's lips, which he responds to just as fast. The kiss doesn't last long though before we've broken away and are just staring at each other.

I know he wants this to be a more usual thing without all the hiding, but I can't do it. Not yet. It's not that I'm even the least bit ashamed of Castiel, hell; I think I'm the luckiest man alive to have him as my lover. I'm just not ready to admit to the world that there's something else to be used as a weakness against me. So many people have already tried to hurt Sam and so many times has him and I been used against each other to make things happen. I couldn't imagine putting Cas in that sort of a situation. After all, I would do anything to keep him out of harm's way. Anything.

Knowing that I won't open up the conversation of us again, Cas instead starts to push at the leather jacket that I always wear until it finally falls to the floor. I do the same to his trench coat, finally pushing it all the way off until it joins my own jacket on the floor. From there, it's a race, who can undress who the quickest. As Cas' fingers push up my shirt, I'm trying to work with his tie.

He wins, as usual.

I feel the cool sensation of the bed against my bare back as Castiel gently pushes me down onto the sheets. This is his way of showing that he cares, being gentle and taking his time with these sorts of things. After that fight, we turned away from real rough sex. Instead, Cas likes to treat me like a glass figure and I'm strangely alright with that. I'll be his glass figure if I'm the only glass figure he's keeping, and I am.

I sit up just enough so that he can pull my shirt over my head just to toss it with our jackets. I'm hardly shirtless for more than five seconds before Castiel's lips are attached to my chest. His tongue is outlining the tattoo that I've had for so long, the one that he always enjoys touching. Every curve and line is given special attention, making me moan out softly.

"Cas please…"

I feel him shiver as well, though I don't think he wants me to know that my moans make him lose a little bit of control. He starts to nip at my collar and before I can stop myself another moan escapes. The more sounds I make, the more I can feel Cas tightening his grip on me even though his hands don't stay in the same place long. For a moment they're tangled in my hair, then down to my chest as he kisses and sucks on my flesh.

These feelings, they're shooting through my body as I let out another moan. I'm starting to feel Castiel's erection growing, but that's alright because I know he can feel mine as well.

"Cas…not fair…" I can hardly get more than three words out, that's what this man does to me. A small smirk appears on his lips, though I know he's trying hard to hold it back and I want more than anything to wipe that smirk away. Where does this angel get off thinking that he can smirk at my discomfort and embarrassment? As soon as I'm allowed a little bit of moving room, I sit up just enough to get a good grip on Cas' tie.

It isn't long at all before I have the tie off as well as his shirt, simply adding it to the pile of growing clothes across the floor of the room. Words aren't needed here, but I know he wants to hear something, anything, to confirm my feelings about him.

So as I run my hand down my lover's chest, I whisper out what little words I can get out to him. "You're perfect Castiel…" My own green eyes meet his blue then and he knows that I'm completely serious by my use of his actual name instead of the nickname that I've become so use to using around him.

"Dean, you are my source of perfection as well as my happiness." He has no idea how much these words mean to me, though I'll never admit it. That's it, talking is over as Castiel captures my lips again and I willingly turn myself over to him. As he's kissing me, I can feel his hand running down my chest again until his fingers reach the buttons of my jeans.

My breath catches when he pops the button, opening my pants. Lips are once again latched onto my shoulder, biting and sucking so hard that there's sure to be a mark come morning, but right now that isn't an issue for me. Right now all I want to do is to be free from these jeans, but Cas isn't having that just yet. Instead of releasing me, he dips his hands into my pants, massaging and cupping me until my moans start to turn into a mixture of pants and light screams.

He knows what this does to me; perhaps that's why he's doing it. Revenge for making him hide how he feels, how we feel about each other, from the world. I let out another loud moan, though his name is laced in there somehow and finally I feel the hands that were once cupping my erection start to push down on my pants. Finally, some release from my binds.

The cool air against my penis makes me shiver but I don't stay cold long before a pair of warm lips engulfs the entire thing, causing me to let out a scream.

"Castiel!" He loves it when I scream his name; I know that from the appreciative hum around myself making me buck slightly. I try to control myself so that I don't hurt him, but he also helps me out by pinning my hips to the bed as he sucks.

Dear lord, it's a mixture between pleasure and pain as he licks the underneath vein then sucks on the head. I want release so bad, but I know he's going to make me work for it, Cas always makes me work for it and that's what makes everything so much better. Heat coils up inside of me as his movements become quicker, more desperate.

He moans out around me and I'm not sure if it's the fact that he's moaning my name or the vibrations his voice causes against my erection, but I lose it. I let out a scream as my seed goes shooting down Castiel's throat. I don't know how, but he always catches it all, never missing a drop. If that were me, well I would probably end up with it all over my face, but Cas never wastes it.

Once I come down off of my high, I reach out and pull Castiel into a kiss. I can taste myself on him, which isn't something I normally like, but tonight things are different. I want to kiss him as much as he'll allow me to. As we kiss, I let my hands reach down to unbutton his pants, but I feel a hand go over mine to stop them.

"Lay down Dean." Cas whispers in my ear in such a way that I know it won't be long before I'm hard again. That low voice, the way he says my name, they get to me bad, really bad so I do as I'm told. As soon as my back hits the sheets again, Castiel reaches for his button making quick work of removing his pants.

There it is, all our clothes piled on the floor and now the fun begins. I know it will hurt, it always hurts a little bit, but it's worth it. Everything is worth it when it comes to Cas. I love him, and I'm pretty sure that he loves me. At least that's what he always whispers to me while he thinks I'm sleeping in his arms.

My angel brings his fingers up to my lips and I eagerly take them into my mouth, sucking and coating them with as much saliva as possible. For a little bit of fun, I give the digits a small lick which I know was the right thing to do when I feel Cas shiver against me. Though he'll never admit it, he enjoys being in Jimmy's body because it allows him to feel human pleasures such as touch.

Once his fingers are slippery and slick, he pulls them out of my mouth and touches my puckered entrance lightly. "God…Cas…" I whimper at the feeling, the teasing way he's pushing barely pushing one finger in. How can someone actually make me feel this way, like putty against the floor? And yet, he always manages to do just that. Without any warning, another finger enters my body, causing me to hiss in surprise.

"Shhh, it will get better Dean. I promise."

I know it will get better, it always gets better, and yet his reassurance that he'll make it feel better always makes me feel good. This is how Castiel is, always making sure that I'm doing alright when we're making love. As his fingers start to stretch me, Cas leans in and gives me a loving kiss. My erection twitches and I gasp into his mouth when his fingers brush against that special bundle of nerves inside of me. "Castiel…" I moan out into his mouth, wanting him to touch there again, to bring me closer to that edge.

And he does.

I let out a soft scream just as I hear him moaning out my name. Good, I'm not the only one feeling these things. I'm not the only one affected by all of this. His fingers leave me and suddenly I feel a void. Even though I know good and well what's going to happen, I still whimper at the loss of attention. Castiel hears this and quickly kisses me. "Patience, my love."

I always did love how easily he could use such endearing terms with me, almost as if were something incredibly special. Cas always knows how to make me feel wanted, how to make me feel loved. That's when I feel something else at my entrance, him. He's hardly pushed in at all, but I'm always whimpering and moaning, wanting more and more until I'm filled. This is how it usually is with Cas, when he makes love to me. I want more, I always want all of him too fast, so he has to pace himself as well as control my actions.

If not, then I might hurt myself, or at least that's what Cas always tells me.

At first, it seems like Castiel is just moaning until I listen closer and that's when I realize that he's moaning my name. Hearing this just makes me harder if that was even possible and I want more. I want to feel him all, so with all my strength, I push down onto my lover. There's a satisfying groan coming from Cas' lips while I am pleased with the feeling of having my lover all the way in even if it does hurt a little bit.

Still, I know Castiel won't let me have a chance like that. No, now he's aware of my intentions and in complete control, but that's alright. I'll let him stay in total control while he waits for me to adjust to the intrusion of my body, a welcome intrusion but one none the less.

Castiel moans as he finally picks a pace to thrust into me, with each thrust his control over me getting a little looser. Finally, we're going at a normal pace and I'm not sure anymore whose moans are whose. Everything mixes together in a way that sounds like the greatest soundtrack I've ever heard.

I open my eyes to see the most beautiful face ever, the one of my angel. Pure pleasure, that's the look on his face as he starts to thrust faster. I gasp and cry out his name as Cas hits my favorite spot, causing my body to clamp down around him slightly. With every thrust, I'm getting close. So very close. His hand is around me, pulling, stroking, touching me in ways that make me writher against him and he knows it.

Damn sexy angel.

He knows me well though, of course he does. He's Castiel and he's my lover, how could he not know how I enjoy being touched. And boy does he use all his knowledge as he strokes me. That's it, I can't hold out.

"Castiel!" I'm careful not to yell out those three little words just yet, not wanting Cas to think that I'm only saying them in the heat of sex like all the other times. My body takes control over my mind and I'm screaming out this man's name as I cum onto his chest. I feel my body clamp down hard around the erection that's still inside of me, then there's the best feeling of the evening. Castiel's sperm filling me, satisfying me in a way that no one else ever could. I could hear him scream my name as he came, something that I always enjoy.

He waits a while before pulling out, careful to make sure that I'm not hurt at all. He cares too much that way. As soon as he's out though, I feel an arm wrap around my waist and a light kiss on the back of my shoulder.

"Cas, I love you…" I can barely do a whisper, but he hears me, at least hears something seeing as I feel a shift against me. "What was that Dean?" God, that voice. I could melt from that voice; I usually do melt from that voice.

"I said…I love you Castiel."

I feel his freezing behind me, though his arm is still tightly around my waist. Perhaps he's afraid that this is my way of taking out and running from us, but I don't plan to ever do that. I don't want to run from us, but I'm not sure I'm ready to go public just yet. I'm just ready enough to say that I love him without orgasms involved.

Finally, I hear him let out a breath. Then, a soft kiss against the back of my neck. "I love you too Dean. I will always love you."

Hearing this calms me and I finally close my eyes, cuddling back into my lover's arms. Maybe I'm not ready to let the world know that I love this man, but I was able to let this man know that I love him and for me, that's enough for now.


End file.
